New shoes!

For the first time in my life I had to buy a new pair of running shoes because I wore my other pair out.

I didn't run off my hangover today.

So I missed the cowtown today. Without going too much into the long story, I drove to Austin yesterday morning to be with my brother and sister in law/BFF for the final day of the trial of the bitch that killed my sister in law's sister. Sentencing was decided and the verdict was not what we had hoped for. I had not planned on going to Austin, but after a long two weeks of keeping up with the trial from afar, it was something I needed to do. I originally planned on leaving to come back home yesterday evening, but staying with Austin and Chandler after the unfortunate turn of events was far more important than any 5k. Of course I drank way too much, as that's something that alway happens when I am in Austin. I guess it's only fitting that I am severely hungover on the day I missed my first race.

But thank goodness that I live in a big enough town that there is almost always a 5k somewhere close on any given weekend. Although I am disappointed about not getting to do the cowtown, I found a 5k that's being held in Burleson next weekend and I have already registered for that. It's not even close to being as big as the cowtown, but in the big spectrum of things, that doesn't matter to me. And it gives me one more week to train. That can't hurt, right? Anyway, all that matters is that I keep going and manage my way through the bumps and hurdles that occur during this journey. I'm still doing this.

I'm back.

This past week has been my biggest hurdle to over come since I have started running. Not only was I having issues with my ankle, but I've also had a lot of shit going on in my personal and work life. Heavy stuff that has been weighing on my heart and mind. Before tonight, the last time I ran was Monday. After that, all I wanted to do was run. Not just for my physical well being, but mostly to get my head straight. But I didn't/couldn't. By the end of the week I was bursting into tears unexpectedly, as well as drinking and eating too much. And my body felt like crap. And I realized this is the point I quit. I saw myself slipping the same way i always do before i just call it a loss. I was bummed because my first 5k was in a week and I knew if I wasn't able to run it would be the beginning of the end. And I would slowly fall off the wagon and never get back on.

But on Friday night, I talked to my brother on the phone. And it was a nice surprise considering we only text and never talk on the phone. And even though there is all this other crazy, horrible shit going on in our lives, we also talked about running. And he encouraged me to keep going. He reminded me that this is not about anyone but me. And then today, I woke up to a text from my mom. It said, "you need to try to run again today. Don't give up :)". And then on her Facebook she posted this quote, "the only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it". And that phone call, that text, and that Facebook status is all I needed. And I'm really thankful for my brother and my mother who ultimately realize how important running has become to me in this short amount of time.

So today, I went to Walgreens and got a $20 ankle brace and hoped for the best. And I went running once I got home. And i did mile 1. No pain. I got to mile 2. No pain. By the end of mile 3 I was all smiles. And no pain (and when I say no pain, I'm referring to my ankle. There's obvs some natural pain the comes along with running 3.1 miles. At least for me). I did 3.11 miles in 35 minutes and 10 seconds.

I feel the need to point out that is personal best for me :)

Not giving up.

To all of those keeping tabs on me, I haven't given up. I tried running on Monday and had to stop about 1.5 mile into it due to my ankle hurting. I'm making a doctor's appointment with my primary doctor in hopes to get a referral to an orthopedist. Regardless, I have my 5k in a week and I'm going to do it whether I'm running or walking. I promise to keep everyone updated. Good thoughts and positive energy are appreciated.

Wins and fails.

Week 5: 11 pounds lost! I've started incorporating crunches into my work out routine in an attempt to get rid of my belly, or at the very least make it smaller. And I've been doing pictures every week so that I can actually see the difference all these 1.5 pound losses a week really do make. Here's week one (at 4 pounds lost) compared to today:

My first instinct is to apologize about those pictures but I won't. I'm a 26 year old mother who struggles with her weight and body image like the rest of them.

This past Wednesday I went running and had a small pain in my Achilles' tendon area that got worse after my run. In hindsight I should have stopped running in the middle of my run because I knew something was off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. After I got home I spent some time googling the issue and it sounds like it is likely Achilles tendinitis. Which can be "fixed" with rest. So I'm taking off running until Monday. Which I am not happy with. I really want to get out there and push through the pain, but I know that's a really fucking stupid thing to do.

So I've got two weeks from tomorrow until my first 5k. I'm hoping i'll be able to hit the ground running on Monday. Literally. But all I can do is my best and what my body is capable of and allows me to do. Regardless, I'm running my first 5k in two weeks and what a huge step that is for me.

Mom.

So when I started out on my quest to lose weight this year, it was my mother's fault. Before I get into why this is, I'll give you guys who don't know my mom a little back story.

Ever since I can remember my mother has always struggled with her weight. She popped out three babies by the time she was 24 and I'm sure me and my brothers are mostly to blame for her constant weight struggle. My mom was the typical fat mom who put her kids first and herself last. She was always trying some diet when I was growing up and could lose the weight, but never keep it off. In late 2009 she began Jenny Craig and was doing a fabulous job... Until May 2010. When a 76 year old in a mini van plowed over her while she was on her motorcycle. She had to have multiple surgeries to deal with her multiple injuries. Here is a pic of her a couple weeks post accident (beautiful, isn't she?):

This obviously slowed down her weight loss and eventually reversed it. She tried to keep it off, but ended up gaining around 50 pounds after her accident. In 2011, she began researching weight loss surgery. She was pre-diabetic, had sleep apnea, high blood pressure, you name it. She knew something had to be done. In November of 2011 she had the gastric sleeve done. She has lost a shit ton of weight and by December 2012, she weighed less than her 26 year old daughter.

**Before I go on too much of a rant, I must put my disclaimer in here that I am not a horrible daughter. Me and my mother happen to be best friends. But due to us being exactly alike, we always, always butt heads. We bitch and nag at each other constantly. So when I say I refused to let my mother weigh less than me or be more in shape, I'm not being a bitch daughter. This is simply how my mother became my number one motivator. And she is just fine with it.**

So let me give you a little bit of my back story. In June 2012 I married the love of my life. Unfortunately, my body took that as a cue to get fat and happy. I have always been blessed with a decent metabolism and even when I was eating the shittiest of food or drinking way more beer than I should, I could always maintain my weight, give or take about five pounds. But after marriage, this was not the case. I gained about 15 pounds, which put me at 160. I hadn't weighed that much since right after I gave birth to my son.

So here we are. When I started out on this journey, I had no idea that it would become more about running than anything. It was simply wanting to lose weight and not wanting to be in the position at the age of 48 that my mother was in. I told her that my goal was to be skinnier than her and I think she was happy to hear it. Even though I hated her motherly comments about watching what I eat, I knew it was her desire for me to be healthy and not end up fat and uncomfortable in my own skin twenty years from now like she did.

I love having my mother to motivate me. I love that she is finally at the point where she is healthy, happy and looking fabulous. I cannot think of anyone more deserving of a happy life. I believe that 2013 holds fantastic things for me and her.

On February 23rd, she will be doing the cowtown with me, but will be walking most of the way. I think it will be a huge step for the both of us in our paths to being healthier and happier. I'm so glad to have her by my side in all of this.

Left: March 2009       Right: February 2013

I love you, mommy!

3.1 miles, y'all.

I began my year like many others do with a New Year's resolution and a plan to lose weight. I started running on January 2nd. I do this most January 2nd's. I start out the year eating healthy and exercising, only to fail about three weeks into it. This year I changed my mindset. I started running because not only did I need to get healthy and lose weight, I needed a hobby. So this year, running has not become just regular exercise to me. It is time to myself to sort through my thoughts and get inside my own head a couple of times a week. It is a chance for me to compete with myself and push the limits of what I thought I was capable of doing. If someone would have told me that I would be running three miles in a matter of a month, I would have told them to fuck off. Because I thought I knew myself pretty well, and running three miles is something that I have never been capable of doing in my life and it certainly was not anything I was willing to try.

But today, one month to the day of starting out on this journey, I ran 3.1 miles. I had been using Run Keeper and doing the Beginner 5k program on the app. Once I had gotten up to 2 miles, my brother kept telling me to just run three miles. Just do it. Quit being a pussy. His words, not mine. So today, I did. And it was not as scary as I thought it would be. It was not as hard as I thought it would be. That voice inside my head that is well versed in negative vocabulary got a little more quiet the further I went. She is slowly becoming non-existent with each run I take.

Not only is my body getting stronger, but my mind is too. For the first time the other day, I turned to running to relieve stress. I am sure most of you are aware that my job can be stressful at times (that really is the understatement of the fucking year). Shit sometimes weighs heavily on me and most of the time my outlet for this is having a couple or ten drinks. So I got home on Thursday and I was frustrated. I was in a piss poor mood and that voice I spoke of earlier was in high gear. I did not feel like running, I did not want to run. But I did. It took me about a mile or so to get with the program and to stop feeling sorry for myself. But I ran. And in the end I ended up improving my pace. And I got my endorphins going and I felt great afterwards. So along with goals like improving my pace and my distance, I do not want to ignore tiny victories like the one I had on Thursday.

New year, new me, blah blah.

I've been running for one month tomorrow. February is usually the time I give up. But I have two people that have inspired me to keep going this time. My friend Stefanie, better known as "Cuddles", is an avid runner. She also likes to eat good food and drink lots of beer. So I figured if she can do it, I can. The second is my brother. He started running sometime last year and my first thoughts of running were that I would like to do a 5k with him. My brother also likes to drink beer. So here I am. I have signed up for my for my first 5k. It's the cowtown, which is February 23. I thought I wouldn't be able to run ten minutes of it, but I am currently running 2.5 miles now. I'm proud of myself. I'm REALLY fucking proud of myself. In the car, I watch to see how far 2.5 miles is and it's far enough that it blows my mind. So with this first post I will tell you my goals. So that I can be accountable to someone other than myself:

• Run a 5k (scheduled 2/23/13). 
• Run a 5k every month until I can move up to a 10k (I am currently registered for cowtown, firefly, schlotsky's bun run and color me rad). 
• Run a 10k (it appears i'll be ready for this sometime in June. Unfortunately, I have learned that no one in Texas has runs in June and July due to the heat. So this may get pushed back to september or so). 
• And last but not least, I want to do a half at the end of this year (I have approached this idea with my brother and I am hoping we will be doing the Fort Worth Marathon... Well the half... Together. Also, I'll be going to Baton Rouge, Louisiana in January 2014 to do the Louisiana marathon... Well the half... With my friend Stefanie and her awesome husband Steve, better known as "Nut".

Next, I want to talk about weight loss and some of the things I have been doing to make it easier. This is not necessarily for anyone that reads this... More for myself. When I start feeling down or lazy, I need this blog to be something I can look at and remember how good I feel. So here's a few things I've been doing to make eating healthier an easy way of life:

• I go to the grocery store once a week. No ifs, ands or buts.
• I buy a shit ton of fruit. When I get home I clean it, cut it, and put it into sandwich bags. Grapes, strawberries, and mandarin oranges are favorites in this household and it not only makes it easy for me to grab a healthy snack out of the fridge, it is an easy snack to grab for my son. 
• I plan my meals. It's guaranteed that every day I know what I am eating for at least lunch and dinner (knowing what I'm eating for dinner goes back to going to the grocery store weekly. I make a grocery list with a meal plan for the week). 
• I eat fruits and veggies while I'm cooking (I am absolutely one of those people who eats everything that I am cooking before it is even done and i end up full before dinner time. To solve this, I always have bananas and cherry tomatoes on my counter. Munching on these and having lots of water to drink helps curb the bad habit of eating everything while I'm cooking).

So there you go, interwebs. It's all out there. I have no one but myself to compete with. 

Stats for January:

• 8.6 pounds lost.
• 28.7 miles ran.
• Average pace: 13:40 min/mile